New Year's resolution

Every year I make a list of resolutions...and then I always lose it lol. Here are some resolutions and goals I would like to accomplish:

*Finish freshmen year of college
*Apply to the nursing program
*Lost 30 pounds (that would be nice if I could)
*Visit my twin in MN
*Read my scriptures EVERY night
*Go to church more on Sundays
*Get a 4.0 for Spring and Fall semester
*Create new friendships
*Make new friendships
*Mend old friendships
*Help others more

2011 has been a great year! Friends have come and gone unfortunately. My family has continued to grow as well. I have met some of the most wonderful people there are. The Alleman family as well as my roommates just to name a few. Larisa continues to be there for me too! I can't wait for 2012 to come around!

Good Times in 2011

This year has been a whirlwind! It seems like it was just yesterday that we were celebrating the beginning of 2011! This year has been an amazing year. I ended on chapter in life (graduating from high school) to beginning a new chapter (college)! It's all been so great! I am ready for 2012! And to make more memories with those I care about!

First semester...DONE

I finally finished my first semester of college!!! It's so thrilling! I got all A's in all of my classes and I love it. I love the academic part as well as the social part! Some of the best moments are when I was studying like crazy for a chem exam and we all decide to go ice skating instead. Or when the teacher called me a *bad word* in a joking way because I forgot to write down what was going to be on the final :-) I love it at Westminster. I may never return back to Washington. I love it here too much. We shall see :)

Future Plans

Once I get out of this rough spot I plan on doing sooo much in life! I'm going to make the best out of the situation I am in right now and hope and pray that things will work out for the better.

Once I get things sorted out and me on the correct path here is what I plan on doing...

Getting baptized into the LDS church. It's the only religion I have ever really known and I believe in it whole heartedly.

Seeing the Temple.

I plan on graduating from Westminster College in 2015

Getting my degree in Nursing...Neonatal Nursing

Finding a job as a neonatal nurse.

Marrying the man of my dreams who makes me very happy.

Starting a family.

Moving into our dream house- maybe not this one.

Adopting children. Either within America or Internationally. Doesn't matter :-)

Traveling the World. 

There are soo many things I want to do in life. These are just a few :-)

What Happened???

Around this time of year I get pretty gloomy. Don't know why. Maybe it's the lack of sunshine or something. Or being trapped inside a house all day. IDK. It wasn't too bad til about two years ago. Two years ago I started burning my arms with erasers. It's hard to describe but I was physically able to feel pain when I did that. Especially in the showers every morning when the burns stung the most. Being able to fell physical pain made up for all the emotional pain I was feeling. This pain was tangible whereas the other was not. It only lasted for about two months, then I got some help from the school counselor. I was better then. Then she left my senior year. I made it a whole year without burning. I was preoccupied with scholarships and college and a brighter future. But then I went to college. What was I supposed to do to keep my mind off of things? I burned once. I don't want to burn again. It leaves ugly scars but I sincerely feel like I need to.

Without the burn marks...and with really short hair.

With a bandage for the newest burn... left arm.

I owe a huge thank you to my best friend, Larisa Hayden. She helped me through this hard time quite a bit. I didn't tell her right away what was happening. She knows me so well she figured it out.

Over this summer I lost some pretty good friends. Differences in opinions and different priorities as well as different schools does that. Unfortunately. We kind of still talk but not really. I lost another really good friend. One I have known since I was six. There is not going back on that one. Period.

I sincerely miss these two... Lauren(right) I have accepted that she and I are better off not being friends. We were trying to make a friendship out of oil and water. Cheyenne... I haven't given up on her yet.

What did I do wrong? The common factor has been me... :'-( I don't try and push people away. Sometimes I push myself away from them but I don't want to push them away from ME. I just feel sad all the time now. It's no fun. New pathways I have chosen to take, some of them scary and some of them are my dreams. It just sometimes feels like it's either just me walking alone or it's my fault for someone else's pain. So, I am sorry if I have ever said, done or whatever to anyone. I really did not mean to hurt you...

Tiff and Ty...I especially never meant to hurt you guys. You and your family mean too much to me. And it's killing me that you might be another friend I might lose :'-( I'm sorry!!! Please forgive me!!!